dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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