Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
