escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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