I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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