It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
