She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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