ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's never too late to be topless.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
