I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you win again, gameday.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
