I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
