I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
