There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
