Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
