you would pick up someone in the library
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
