I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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