my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
