I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
