I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This baby is an asshole
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
