i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
