I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
