your parents love me but you hate me
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize