whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
