i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Randomize
