remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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