I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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