Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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