She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm bleeding and have questions
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
