Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My breasts were aching with rage.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
