Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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