As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
