I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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