Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
