Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
so let's talk penis.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dick very happy bro
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
