Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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