That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
