She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
