ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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