Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We don't watch enough power rangers
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
