your thong is hanging out like whoa
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
