bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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