i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Vodka?
Forever.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
