I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Sober January is a disaster.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize