I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
