So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
