stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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