we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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