Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
