i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
