Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
