when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It was confusing and full of hummus
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
