were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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