Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
