And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
