it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
