well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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