Welp...herpes.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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