a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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