im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
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