Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
