You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
