fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize