u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
