All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
