I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
