When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
