My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
