i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
