I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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