I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
we're so committed to being not committed
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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