So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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