On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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