i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So vagazzling was a success
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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