My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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