I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
