you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
